Any FRIENDS fanatics out there? Well this week marks the 30th anniversary of the start of the record-breaking, culture-shifting, epitome of appointment TV watching, and best hairstyle “The Rachel” (ahem), comedy… FRIENDS.
As FRIENDShip fanatics, Rach and I were asked to share some thoughts about the show and the relationships between characters, all through the lens of friendship today and the mental health benefits.
I personally never missed an episode of the show. And while tuning in was all about sharing in the lives of the 6 characters — looking back, I think it was so much more than we viewers understood at the time. Back then, I simply loved every “Pivot!, Could I BE anymore…, We were on a Break!, I know!, Unagi, Smelly Cat, How you doin’? Lobster and That’s what you call, closure.”
But over time and now more than ever, it has become clear that each “The One With…” episode was one more opportunity to share and connect with friends, family, and even total strangers. In short, watching FRIENDS was connecting with those around you. In a post-pandemic, loneliness epidemic, social media obsessed, and politically fraught world, FRIENDS was like connective tissue for viewers. And it’s somewhat meta because the whole show is about friendship, community, and connection in the first place.
So in honor of FRIENDS turning the Big 3–0, we are celebrating FRIENDShip by highlighting what we can carry forward from our glorious time with Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross.
Find a special place to be together with friends on a regular basis:
Central Perk is like the bar in “Cheers.” It’s the place where ‘everybody knows your name’. Viewers loved that set because the FRIENDS were always together, being silly, real, getting or losing jobs, or falling in and out of love. Having a space together with friends gives us a home away from home and adds a dash of ‘living’ or celebration to daily life. Being with friends in a designated place is a mark of the long standing tradition of uniting, and creating rituals within community. Friends love to meet at “our place” not only for a sense of belonging but also because rituals give us a sense of stability and comfort which are the keys to good mental health!
Living our lives with friends strengthens the foundation as we move into adulthood and build families of our own: “Friends are the family you choose.” As we get older, we discover how lucky we are when we successfully leave the nest and make new friends. Those friends become our chosen families and, in a sense, step in for the families we were born into. In our days of childhood, moms, dads, caregivers, and siblings would help us out with our physical and emotional needs. Now on our own, our friends, especially when they are physically close by, step in and assume those roles. Studies show that young families are setting out to buy homes and put down roots near friends and their kids! Young families used to seek out neighborhoods in which to settle and be near parents/grandparents. No longer… friends want to be near the families they’ve chosen to build lives with. That mental and emotional support can often exceed whatever we got growing up. Even though
most of us don’t get kick-ass rent controlled apartments in NYC, we can still live with communal flair!
Being vulnerable with friends is critical to strong bonds and good mental health:
It sounds counterintuitive, but asking for help is one of the biggest investments in friendship a person can make. When we reach out for help, we show our vulnerability and need for others. And doing so brings us closer because we invite another person to feel safe and comfortable doing the same with us. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it shows trust and faith in a friend. It’s interesting to note that women, in particular, are generally better at giving than receiving and sometimes have a harder time showing this vulnerability. The FRIENDS always showed a willingness to be there for one another, that anything from moving a couch (PIVOT!), to showing up for grandparents’ funerals- giving was part and parcel to sharing life’s biggest moments and laughs.
The fun is in the favors, running errands, and mundane stuff:
Loneliness is an epidemic — and the antidote to loneliness is friendship! It sucks to be alone, now more than ever before. Our research has shown that everything from smiles at a stranger to full reach outs to friends who have gone quiet, can literally make the world a better place. People are social animals and do not do well, mentally and emotionally, without community and connection. Having friends by our side with whom to just run errands, grab coffee or pick up dry cleaning, may sound dull. But in this day and age, it’s everything. We find that we laugh the most doing something stupid together and that getting ready to go out together or planning a trip can be more fun than the evening or the trip itself! There is beauty in mundanity when we share it with our friends.
The FRIENDS showed us this every week, inspiring us to be there for and with one another — even if it was just to watch FRIENDS.
FRIENDS and friends forever,
Rachel and Rachel